Confessions
by mwendyr
Summary: A confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff, it is palliative rather than remedy.' Peter De Vries, 1910to1993. Sequel to Bubbles and Speak. C5 added.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: At a family BBQ, Alex and Mike come to a new decision.

Pairing: Mike/Alex

Series: M/A, Sequel to Bubbles and Speak. But this one can definitely stand alone.

Spoilers: S6, Bedfellows and anything before that.

Disclaimer: Not mine, 'nuff said.

Reviews: Please? Thank you so much to those that have already done so. They help me to improve.

**Confessions**

_"A confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff - it is palliative rather than remedy." _ Peter De Vries, writer (1910 - 1993)

He had never been to one before.

At least, not one that involved a friendly atmosphere and a tonne of kids. It was overwhelming and almost too much for him. Everytime he was involved in a family moment like this he quickly put up this intense masquerade, a facade of happiness and a general round happy-go-lucky guy that can smile at anything.

Like he'd had a family before.

The Eames family were an intense group of people... and Huge. He could almost even call it an epic family with so much history that to stand there and listen to it all and then get it in some kind of understanding would be so impossible that he doubted that even Robert Goren could do such a thing.

Mike Logan on the other hand was from a small, spread out family that reeked of bad history and a lack of understanding would be welcomed for him but he knew too much; he'd lived it. Watching Alex Eames as she rushed around outside on the back yard with all of her nieces and nephews, Mike was bewildered a little, she seemed so happy that the recent events seemed so surreal. Had they happened at all? Had she really been kidnapped? She'd proven once again that she was a fighter and that if anyone could move on from such an horrific moment in their lives it could be her.

It seemed he'd been so dazed by her activities with the children that Mike hadn't noticed the presence beside him; a caring hand was placed on his shoulder and he eventually heard a voice. "Hey, you watching the whole thing or her?"

Mike managed to tear his eyes away from Alex to see her brother, Steve Eames, standing beside him with an amused but subtle look on his face. Mike smirked a little, "Only her."

Steve's lips twitched into his own crookied smirk, "Fair enough." He then passed Mike a fresh bottle of bud, which he gratefully took placing the rim to his lips and knocking a swig back with his eyes still watching Alex as she started tackling these children to the ground to get a hold of the ball. "It's strange how they only play like that with her."

Mike looked back toward Steve, "Yeah?"

Steve chuckled, "Yeah. You see, if anyone else was to play like that with them they'd cry, but she could be as rough as she wants with them and they won't even shed a tear."

This caused a laugh out of Mike. Steve gave him a curious look but Mike just shook his head.

"Can I ask you a question?" Steve asked, carefully.

Mike nodded. Not sure about what kind of question this was going to be or if he even really wanted to hear it.

"You're not from a big family are you?"

"No." Mike asked, looking back at Alex before turning back to Steve.

"Oh, she didn't say anything if that's what you're thinking." Steve quickly reassured him, not that Mike needed it; he knew Alex wouldn't have spoken about Mike's private life with her family. "I can just tell because I _am_ from a big family and clearly you're not used to it."

Mike pondered this for a moment before saying, "I've been here before. You didn't say anything then."

Steve shrugged, "Sorry." He suddenly got the impression that this clearly wasn't a topic Mike wanted to talk about. Mike nodded, in acceptance and gratitude - hoping that the conversation really was over. His eyes immediately went back to Alex and the bottle of bud was brought back up to his lips; feeling thirsty all of a sudden.

Then he remembered what day it was and he suddenly knew why he was feeling so introspective. And as he that realisation hit him he felt that familiar groan come from the pit of his stomach in the form of a rumble. Not what he wanted to think about, at all.

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A deep desire to not think about what today represented forced Mike to join in the game of football with Alex and the children. He hadn't realised how much energy and fitness was required to play this game, apparently he was losing his touch. Before long it had become a match of Alex against Mike. A heated, passionate and fun game between the two of them that had the kids in hysterics and the adults watching with an amused fascination.

"Unbelievable." Johnny Eames said with fascination. "Next he's gonna tell me he's a Packers fan."

Eric and Steve, his two sons, laughed at that thought. Eric was tucking into his burger with delight but he was saving room for the hotdogs.

They watched like they were at an actual game; Mike had pulled Alex to the floor as she'd tried to get a hold of the ball and now he was stopping her from moving forward, the ball just out of reach of her fingers. Scrambling on top of her as she was face down on the ground, laughing so hard she could barely move but she was still attempting it. "No, you're not gonna win." Alex said through laughter but set in her determination. Frustrated that the ball kept brushing the tips of her fingers.

Through his own laughter Mike replied, "No? I've got you pinned so..."

After a few more seconds of trying to free herself from his grasp she gave up and twisted herself around to look at him, laughing so hard that tears were falling down her face.

"Auntie Alex?" She looked up to see her nephew, Nathan, standing above her holding the ball she'd been reaching for. "Do you want da ball?"

"Quick!" She exclaimed, turning back around catching Mike off guard. "Throw it there!" Pointing to a particular spot on the ground that would symbolise victory for her. Her nephew, the one she'd given birth to, was quick to respond and did so with a smile of achievement on his face. A smile that grew when Alex started cheering at him, still caught underneath Mike.

Mike pretended to be upset by his loss but he couldn't help but laugh when he heard everyone chuckling and laughing at them. Standing up, he held out his hand and helped Alex up, brushing the grass off of each other. "You lost, Mikey!" Nathan squealed in delight, running circles around Alex and Mike's legs.

Alex looked up at Mike and he could see the laughter was not only on her face but in her eyes, "Technically he wasn't on your team." Mike tried for one last chance to be victorious.

With a smirk she said, "He's always on my team."

Mike looked down at the toddler who had picked up the ball again and was continually throwing it back down at the spot where Alex had instructed him to do so. "Ah, well my apologies then." Mike said with a grin as Nathan rushed off carrying the ball towards his mother, Jo.

"Mamma. Mamma. I did it!" He cried in happiness. The ball a little too big for his small hands but he held on all the same, tossing it towards his mother.

"Good job." She smiled, happily, dodging the ball as it was hurled towards her. Mike and Alex followed him, both of them finally calming down and catching their breaths.

"It's nice to see that a baby can give you a run for your money, Mike." Johnny said, with humor.

Mike rolled his eyes and grinned, "Well, I let him win." He then made an 'ow' sound as Alex playfully slapped him on the arm. They sat down on the white patio chairs and smiled when they were passed some food by Katie, her other sister. "Thanks."

"Careful though." Alex warned him, as he began to tuck into his burger. "You might wanna save room for the hotdogs."

Mike lifted his face away from his food and looked at her with keen interest. "Hotdogs?"

She smirked, "Oh yeah."

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Watching him tuck into his third hotdog like it was his first made Alex smile. Personally she couldn't see the attraction to them. Processed meat and a piece of bread with sauce? They were never very appetising to her. The only reason they were ever made is because her brother Eric loved them to pieces. Now her family were discovering that when they had a BBQ in the future they needed to accommodate Mike's tastes as well.

The future thoughts were starting to invade her mind a lot more often than they used to. She couldn't tell if it was old age or something - although she had a feeling her sisters would be the first to point out that she's not that old - maybe it wasn't age as in years but some kind of clock was definitely ticking.

That very thought made her cringe. She'd always thought she would be the last person to listen to the proverbial biological clock. But as she looked at Mike she could swear she could even hear it ticking.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

A vision of a bomb exploding and a mushroom cloud suddenly felt like it had a place in her mind.

Funny, when she had started this relationship with him the thought of settling down with him had been bizarre at best but as time had gone by she began to see something between them that she hadn't had before; not even with Joe. Her marriage to Joe had been a rollarcoaster of massive proportions, she would be the first to tell you that her marriage had been far from perfect - it had been difficult but she didn't regret it. But when Joe had died, she had promised herself she wouldn't marry again and she can vaguely remembering cursing herself for marrying a cop in the first place.

Strange how that thought occured to her now instead of when it mattered. Would it have stopped her? She doubted it. She been caught up in all the excitement and all the new feelings that had surrounded her that her own words had been forgotten and here she was, sitting and watching him whilst her mind seriously considered telling him everything and taking that step forward. But did she dare to do so? Would he be okay with that? What if she lost him over it?

So many questions flew through her mind like a blizzard that she never realised it was getting dark and that Mike had actually finished his hotdog and was looking at her with a face of concern. "Huh?" She asked, dragging herself out of her thoughts.

"I said, you're spacing out like your partner." Mike said, his lips twitching as he smiled.

"Oh." Alex said, holding her mouth in the shape of an O.

Mike looked at her, "What were you thinking about?"

After a moment she just shook her head, "Nothing important."

"Are you kidding?" Jo snorted, causing them both to turn to look at her with curiosity, both of them had forgotten they were alone. "It looked important enough to be the meaning of life!"

"That is important." Agreed Eric, letting them know if his presence as well. He was still eating his hotdog.

Mike seemed to give himelf a mental shake and then he turned back to Alex with a small smile. "You alright?" He asked.

She nodded, "I'm fine." She made a swallowing action that she couldn't control, "I'm gonna get a drink." Alex stood up and looked at them all around the table, "Anyone want one?"

"Me!" Alex turned to see Nathan on his trike, trying to pedal towards her with his hand up in the air.

Alex smiled, "Okay." She turned and walked into the house.

Mike watched her leave as he heard the little toddler call out to her, "Wait for me, Auntie Alex!" But Alex had already walked through the door and had disappeared from view.

"Mike?" Hearing his name, Mike turned towards Johnny with a quizzical expression. "You want another hotdog?" Mike watched as the man walked towards him with a plate of hotdogs.

Well, who can resist one of those? "Sure!" He replied, enthusiastically as the older man reached him and placed the plate on the table within reach of both Mike and Eric.

"You boys are gonna regret eating all of those." Katie scolded gently as she sat down next to Jo.

"Nope." Eric and Mike commented at the same time. They shared a look but they shook it off and continued to dig in. Jo and Katie shared their own look and then laughed at them.

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Once it had become too dark to stay outside, most of them had retreated to the safety of the bright indoors. Most. Mike was still sat outside with Eric and Johnny, he had no idea where Alex was but he assumed she was doing some family thing with her sisters or her mother, who hadn't been outside for the entire time. Eric and Johnny were in some deep conversation about a car that Eric had been working on, some cheap second hand vehicle that he'd bought and was now doing up in the hopes of selling to make a profit but his father was trying to talk Eric out of selling the car at all because he felt it was a thing of beauty to do up your own.

Mike wasn't really paying that much attention to the conversation. His thoughts were once again resting on what today was and he realised again just how much the memory of his mother really did plague him, like a thorn in his side that just wouldn't come loose even after all the tugging he'd been doing; he was just making it worse.

Today was the anniversary of her death. Today was the anniversary of the day when he'd felt a mix of relief and regret, there had been some sadness but not as much as there should have been. He sometimes wished he could go back and see if he could make it right. As a child he'd always believed his mother had abused him because it was his fault. But then doesn't a child always think it's their fault when adults do things that they can't explain? It didn't help that his mother certainly blamed him but could he have changed it?

He'd forget dates and such because they didn't mean anything to him, which is why today's meaning hadn't occured to him until the day was almost done. Lately he'd been finding that he'd think of his mother less and less so why did she have to bother him today? Damn her.

He felt someone gently hold his arm and he blinked himself out of his thoughts to see Alex looking at him with a soft, concerned face. Her face lit up from the light being emitted from the kitchen and. not for the first time, Mike was basking in her beauty. She smiled, softly and he could see that she was concerned. Suddenly the roles had reversed.

Turning away from her for a second he noticed that Eric and Johnny were no longer standing outside and that they were the only ones. He turned his attention back to her and he didn't miss the flutter of a smirk that flew across her face, "So, I was pondering the meaning of life and you were thinking about the origins of the universe?" She asked, a hint of humor but it didn't mask her concern.

"So you _were_ thinking about that?" Mike asked, a playful grin on his face.

One that was quickly removed when she seriously shook her head, "No."

Mike nodded, his face twisting a little in anguish, "Me neither."

"Wanna tell me what you were thinking?"

He wanted to open his mouth and allow it all to come flying out at 600mph but when his mouth opened nothing came out; like a dragon all out of puff. He sighed in frustration but she didn't move, she didn't take her eyes off his face.

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TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Confessions**

With a thousand words in his arsenal you would think they'd be flowing from his mouth like a well rehearsed play. But, words are useless unless they have a structure and a form to follow and whilst he had the words there was no order to them. Everything he wanted to say was jumbled and he knew the moment he'd started it would all tumble out into a pathetic, and very worded, heap.

Suddenly needing to look anywhere but her eyes he looked down towards the ground but only to find that all he could see was her legs. Shaking his head slowly he looked back up to see compassion in her face and he knew he could trust her with this but he couldn't speak.

"Let's go." She said softly, almost a whisper. Moments had passed since she'd asked him what he was thinking and it seemed she wanted to go somewhere else to talk.

He shook his head. He didn't want to go.

"Then tell me what's going on?"

He could hear how she desperately wanted to know but not out of a need to be a gossip or some bizarre need to know everything about him. It was because she cared enough to dare to ask.

She pressed her lips tight together, mulling his lack of reaction over in her mind, fully aware of the fact that her family was inside the house but she hoped they weren't listening in right now. "Mike?" She asked, hoping he'd look back at her now he was looking up towards the sky. He did, "Mike, I don't understand what's going on so this might sound cold but-" her soft tone of voice changed to slightly demanding, "-what the hell is going on with you? You're having more mood swings than a woman on PMS."

Mike's lips curled into a small smile at the sass before it faded completely. His eyes fell down slightly and once again he wasn't looking at her face. He ached to tell her but he didn't know how. "I-" He lifted his eyes back up and looked her directly in the eye, "It's the anniversary of the day my mother died."

Alex blinked, "Today?" Mike nodded. He could see the sympathy, the realisation, the concern and the worry just flicker across her face. He also saw guilt, which he wasn't expecting, "Mike, if I had known I wouldn't have-" Mike quickly placed a comforting hand on her the top of her arm, giving her a gentle stroke that stopped her from speaking.

"Don't." His voice was low and deep, "I actually like coming here." Mike sighed, pulling his hand away and allowing it to drop to his side. "I just didn't realise... what today was."

He could see the confusion on her face and how she was struggling with her own need to ask him why but the explanation was a long one and he didn't feel like he had the time or the energy to give it to her. After a moment, however, confusion made way for recognition and he was surprised, "Because of what your Mom did?" She asked, then added, "To you?"

He'd forgotten that he'd briefly mentioned it to her in passing before but he knew he'd never gone into details with her or given her a deeper understanding of how it affected him or what had really happened. All Alex knew was the basics; his mother would get drunk and then she'd beat Mike. He'd been grateful for her to not ask for more details but he did always wonder why she hadn't asked.

Mike nodded, "Yeah." His voice was more of a mutter.

After a moment of silence between them she held out her hand and softly said, "C'mon."

"What? Where?"

She took his hand and coiled her fingers around his, "Just come." He followed her and they walked further into the garden and around a small building, which he assumed to be a shed, and then they stopped when they reached some small, wooden and very old looking stools. She smiled and he followed her lead by sitting on one of them.

He looked around the little area they were sitting in; it was private, mostly, and it was quite dark so he couldn't make out much except for some bushes and plants that were close to them but he could see her face. Looking towards her, he allowed himself to smirk, "You come here often?"

She smiled, briefly, "I used to bring my boyfriends here."

Mike's surprised expression turned into a grin, "I guess it's fitting that I'm sitting here then." He had an image of Teen Alex, sneaking around into the garden to make out with some older, college type guy but he had to quickly stop himself before that ruined his mind for good.

"I guess so." She agreed quietly, looking at him, her eyes still expressing her concern for him. Finally, after all the inside arguing with herself she asked, "Did you ever visit your Mom's grave?"

Mike nodded, "I've been once."

She waited for him to tell her about that.

"When they were puttin' her in it."

"Oh." She looked down at her hands for a moment before looking back up at him. "I promise I will only ask once." He nodded. "Please tell me about her?"

"What can I tell you about her?" He asked, bitterly, not sure he had the right words but it seemed that for the first time in his life he wanted to actually tell someone, "I remember-" he drew a shaky breath, "-I remember that I used to love her and that when I was very young she loved me too." Alex's face twitched a little into a smile that didn't last, "But she changed. She - she believed that she was put on this Earth for a greater purpose than marrying my dad or raising me." He spoke with such anger, hate and disgust that Alex could almost taste it herself. He was quiet for a moment as the memories filled his mind, all the pain and all the fear that had once been a constant in his life were now reminding him that they'd never really gone away. "She'd send me out on errands for her that involved buying booze for her." He pressed his lips tight together and he looked at Alex before he continued, "She'd drink the whole lot and once she was drunk enough she'd grab anything she could, anything that happened to be within reach and then she'd beat the crap out of me."

Alex could feel her eyes filling up with tears and even through the water collecting in her eyes she could see that he was trying to fight tears himself. "She was religious." Alex found that a strange fact, "She believed she was doing God's work." He laughed bitterly, "In other words she was a nut job." Alex didn't smile or laugh, she just kept looking at him, "She'd be holding that _damned _Rosary whilst she was doing it." His bitter, sharp words were cold, just like the cool evening air that was surrounding them. "The next day, she'd act like nothing happened." Another sharp laugh, "She'd even tend to my wounds like a good mother." He looked at Alex and saw the well of tears in her eyes, although to her credit they hadn't rolled down her cheeks. "You sure you wanted to know?" He asked, his own lips trembling slightly as he tried desperately not to let the tears build up at all.

Alex nodded, slowly, she got up off her seat and sat down on his knee, softly, she looked at him in the eyes, not wanting to say how sorry she was because those words were useless. She wanted to make it all go away but she couldn't. She put a hand to his cheek and gently stroker her thumb underneath his eye, the tears falling the instant she made contact with his face and she wiped them away. Carefully and gently she wrapped her arm around his head and pulled him to her, resting him on her chest and allowing him to wrap his arms around her tightly as he fought his own tears, still; failing.

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"Does anybody know where Alex and Mike are?"

Katie's concerned voice rang through the entire living room. Her father looked up from the game he was playing with his grandchildren to give his eldest daughter a shrug. The game he was playing was a child's fishing game with small plastic fishing poles and magnetic fish. It seemed his hand-eye co-ordination leaved much to be desired because the youngsters were winning. "But, you see, her car is outside but they're not here."

Johnny looked back up, "They must be here then."

"Maybe she's taken him to that spot she used to take boys she'd bring home." Steve suggested, with a smirk. "Y'know, just to annoy to Dad."

Johnny shot his son a look before looking back at Katie, who said, "Actually, I didn't try there." She turned to leave but Eric blocked the doorway, a beer in his hand and a grin on his face.

"Woah, if she really is there with him then clearly it's do something private." Eric told her, the grin on his face growing wider.

A small girl, Janey, suddenly piped up, "What kind of private?"

Katie rolled her eyes and turned back to her daughter, "You'll find out when you're older."

Janey pouted, "I wanna know now!"

Eric laughed at his niece but he didn't tell her anything. The young girl was distracted by the door ringing, she leaped up from the floor and rushed to the door, only to be stopped by Jo. "You know not to answer the door." Janey looked upset but she let it go.

Jo opened the door and a huge smile hit her face. "John!!" Her eldest brother, John Jr, was stood at the door. "Hi! I didn't think you were coming!" She allowed him to come inside and she closed the door behind him. "Dad, look who it is."

Johnny quickly walked upto his eldest child and they gave each a bear hug, "I thought you weren't coming, son."

John smiled, "I wasn't until I found out Alex was here and I haven't seen her since she was kidnapped." His sentence dropped in volume.

His father nodded, "Of course." He then turned to Katie, "You were just going to get her, weren't you?" Katie shrugged and then nodded, wordlessly she turned around and quickly walked out of the door before Eric could stop her.

Katie walked through the garden, careful not to fall over any toys that were still littered about, and she walked around the path easily remembering where Alex used to rush of to and hide, or take boys with her or just stay there on her own. Alex had always been the free-spirit out of the three girls and more of a tomboy than most too. Jo and Katie had spent most of the time together, it helped that they were closer in age too. Turning the corner she stopped dead in her tracks.

And she felt the cold hit her and the sudden drop in that pit of her stomach; something was wrong.

She hadn't prepared herself to see Mike and Alex sitting side by side, heads leaning on each other, looking so forlornly and depressed. Tear stains down both of their faces. Katie was about to just turn away when Alex looked up at her. "I'm sorry." Katie appologised quickly, taking note of the fact that Mike didn't move. "It's just that John turned up and he hasn't-" Katie spoke slowly, feeling guilty, "-seen you since..."

Alex nodded, using a hand to wipe her eyes, "I'll be there in a minute."

Katie nodded and quickly rushed away, not wanting to embarrass them any further, clearly she hadn't meant to have seen that. Although when Eric mentioned that they were doing something private she doubt he thought it was this. She walked back into the house and straight into the living room and gave her brother a reassuring smile, "She's coming." She tried her best to be reassuring but she felt like she needed someone to reassure her.

"Good." John Jr smiled, happily.

"You okay?" Steve asked, taking in Katie's troubled expression and demeanor. Katie just nodded and forced a smile in the direction of Steve. Steve didn't buy it, he just looked at his father who was looking at his daughter with concern.

Concern that flew from Katie to Alex the moment she walked in the room. Her eyes looked puffy, and she had rosy cheeks, clearly she looked upset. She walked over to John Jr and gave him a soft hug, he was careful when he wrapped his arms around her. "How are you?" He asked, pulling away and taking in her heavy-hearted expression and body language. Chalking it up to her kidnapping experience although everyone else in the room knew otherwise.

Alex nodded, "I'm good."

No one believed her.

"Where's Mikey?" Janey asked, looking around the room.

John Jr looked at her with confusion, "Mikey?"

"Mike." Johnny clarified for him.

He turned back to Alex with a little smile on his face, "Oh, so you're still 'friends' with that guy, eh?"

Her mother, who'd been quiet for the whole time finally spoke up, with a laugh, "John, they haven't been _friends_ for a long time."

John Jr smirked and looked at Alex, who was smiling slightly. It hadn't occured to her that she'd hadn't seen her eldest brother since she'd originally introduced Mike as her friend from work to them when she'd begun dating him. Realising that, she asked, "What have you been up to?"

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Mike was still at that hideout of Alex's, pretending to be relaxing in the blanket of darkness. Comforted by the fact she'd promised not to be long. He did feel like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders but he doubted the long term effects of such a thing. It didn't change what happened to him, he couldn't alter it and he was no fool - she couldn't either. But he had noticed that when he was with her it didn't hurt so much, when he slept in the same bed as her he didn't have nightmares about it, when she was with him they laughed.

If he had known that having a relationship on this level would've been so beneficial he might've had one years ago. Although he doubted that there could have been any woman tough enough to actually stick around and want him for such a long period of time. He sometimes wondered why Alex did, he wasn't the greatest guy in the world. Didn't she deserve better? That was the thought that stopped him from taking this relationship further, he wasn't stupid. She did deserve better and no matter how much he wanted to move in with her and do all of that sentimental stuff he'd avoided all his life, he knew she deserved more.

He heard the snap of a twig and turned to see Alex standing near him, towering above him as he sat on the floor now. "You like my little hideaway, huh?" She was trying to be lighthearted but he could hear something heavy in her voice.

Looking up at her he smiled, "Yeah. It's, uh, a good choice for one." She lowered herself onto the ground and sat down beside him. "Your brother?"

"Oh, yeah, he just dropped by to say hello."

Mike nodded slowly. Alex looked at him but she didn't say anything else, she decided just to let him think for a while. Her own mind still reeling after hearing his account of what had happened at the hands of his mother. She thought it irrational for her to be angry at a woman who was not only dead but she'd never even met her. Where's that time machine when you need one? If only she could do that, her inner voice sounding sour, she'd hit her for everytime she'd hit Mike. There was a difference between knowing it had happened and hearing about it properly. Although he hadn't told her how severe his injuries had ever been, she could only summise that they would have been incredibly painful and enough to have possibly even required a visit to the ER.

She turned to Mike and wrapped her arm around his shoulders, she felt him tense slightly and then relax into her. She didn't want to ever let go.

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TBC


	3. Chapter 3

I'd like to thank leahfaye so much for the words of encouragement that you sent to me. Although it'll be some time before you read this - It was greatly appreciated. :)

**Confessions**

She'd never seen him so defeated before, so withdrawn and so quiet. So unlike Mike it was almost surreal. _If this is a dream so help me God, Dorothy had better wake up now! _But when Alex turned to Mike he was still there and so was she; reality.

And reality bites.

If she could kiss it all better she would. If there was a cure she'd go and find it for him. But there wasn't one, she knew better than most that no such thing existed. How could she tell him everything would be okay now? Telling him about her own experience seemed such a cheap way of doing it besides they only way they were connected were the mental scars that remained. And she'd never really told anyone before.

Mike shifted a little and once again her gaze was drawn to him; she couldn't see him though, all she could see was the hair on his head and a shoulder. "Mike?" She asked, concerned. Not that she didn't like the silence but she had a feeling it was getting late and that everyone would start to come and find them soon. Having a repeat of what Katie saw was not a good thing - she'd yet to offer her sister some kind of explanation, she didn't more people adding to the equation. She loved her family but they could be nosey at the best of times.

He lifted his head up to look at her and he gave her a smile, brighter than she'd expected. She smiled back, taking comfort in the way everything seemed hopeful in his expression. Was it a false impression for her or for himself? He moved a little, pulling back and sitting up straight so that he could look her in the eye and feel somewhat like himself; non-dependent. "Mike, I've been, uh, thinking alot lately-" She started but paused before deciding not to continue. Her thoughts on the future weren't relevant no matter how much the past seemed to be blurring with the present as well as the future; getting lost in the fabric of time and almost collapsing in on itself. Everything seemed to be there, everything she'd ever done and everything she wants to do.

Mike, however, disagreed, "Tell me."

After a beat she shook her head, "No, this isn't the place." She made a move to stand up but he stopped her.

"This is the best place." He tried to be reassuring and positive but everything he'd said and thought of had made him feel less than energetic.

She kept her gaze on him, thoughtful. "I've been thinking alot lately about-" beat "-us."

"Us?" He asked, puzzled.

Alex nodded, "Yeah." She then shrugged, "We can talk about that later."

He watched her, unsure of what exactly she'd been thinking about in terms of 'us' but he suddenly felt compelled to know what that was. "Now is good."

Surprised, she gave him a small smile but he could see the conflict in her eyes and the way the muscles in her face were twitching between different facial expressions. After a moment she suddenly blurted out, "I love you."

Mike smiled, nodding, he reached his hand up to stroke her face and hair. "I know." This wasn't news to him, he knew that, "I love you too." He couldn't keep the smile from his face as he said that, he still wasn't used to speaking those words, it was usually Alex who said it, he would tell her when he had the courage to spit them out; speaking those three words certainly didn't get easier. It was a sentiment he felt and shared but it wasn't one he was comfortable saying.

She smiled, "You know... how I told you I was married?" Mike nodded, looking a little unsure about where this topic was headed, "Oh, oh, I'm not saying I want to get married or anything." Mike looked down before looking up at the same time she covered her face with her hands. "This is not coming out right at all." She spoke into her palms, frustrated. Mike suppressed a laugh at her, enjoying the way she was tripping over her own words; uncharacteristically like herself. She uncovered her face and looked at him, "You've been spending a lot of time ... at my house, with me."

"Yeah, I know. With the kidnapping and everything... it's been easier to reach..." Mike's turn to stumble, although he attempted to do so with grace. Attempted.

Alex smiled, putting a finger to his lips to stop them from moving, "Wait." She instructed and Mike nodded, "You have-" another pause and she was becoming increasingly frustrated at herself for stumbling as much as her partner, "Alot of your things are at my house and... like you said it's easier for you to get anywhere... and-"

Mike smiled, interrupting her, "Are you asking me to move in with you?"

She couldn't help but thank her lucky stars that somebody had finally asked the question. Looking at the hesitation on his face and the regret of speaking about this suddenly kicked in, so she quickly began coming up with a response, "You don't have to if you don't want to. I know I'm probably not the easiest person to live with and God knows I wouldn't want to cramp your-" Mike put a finger to her lips in a similar style that she had used on him. Alex promptly stopped speaking.

Mike's mouth twitched as a smirk formed on his face, the painful memories of his mother quickly vanishing away as his concentration became on the here and now and the future Alex was presenting to him. "If I move in with you." He said, looking at her directly in the eye with a mischievous twinkle in his own, "I'll have to tell all my other girlfriends they can't see me anymore."

Alex laughed, a sound coming somewhere between a snort and a giggle.

"Nah. You are the best one out of the lot." He contnued with a grin, "I guess I'd be getting the best deal."

She blinked. Was he saying yes? She'd expected him to say 'maybe later' and she'd already been kicking herself for the timing of her question. She couldn't speak. Words escaped her, she wasn't sure her hearing was working correctly. Was the wind brushing passed her ears making her hear words that didn't exist?

"Yes." Mike said, as if he could sense her own inner argument. "But, I have one request."

"Oh?" Alex asked,

Mike nodded, "Yeah, the Sinatra collection has to take the prize place in the living room." The laughter that escaped Alex's body was genuine. She leaped towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her body against his as best as she could whilst they still sat on the ground. "I take it that's a yes on Frank?" Alex just laughed again. She had been so used to having him around that when he did start to go back to his apartment it had felt strange - now he was going to be staying with her and she couldn't contain her excitement at that prospect; gleefully she kept her arms around him as he wrapped his around her - sealing the deal with a kiss.

Maybe moving in with her might help him to move on from the past. Mike wasn't sure but now that they'd made the decision he was beginning to feel the signs of excitement and anxiety. When he'd been thinking of moving their relationship forward, moving in had been one of his thoughts but he hadn't realised she'd been thinking the same thing.

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Clapping. Cheering. Even wolf whistles were being thrown at them.

"Well, well, well, look whose decided to come out of hiding." Eric clapped loudly as Mike and Alex walked into the living room two hours after they'd first gone into her hide-out. Alex could see Katie was the only one not cheering or having a fun. She knew why so she avoided her sisters eye line. "We thought you were going to stay there all night?"

"Yeah?" Alex said, pointing towards Eric with her eyes and making a point of sounding sarcastic, "We were going to but then we remembered you so we thought we'd best come and check on you." Eric just shot his sister a glare, Alex turned to Mike to see he was smiling.

Once everyone had laughed at Eric's expense, Alex and Mike had bid everyone farewell and left to go home. Home. An old word that had a new meaning. As Alex drove them home she figured it probably had more meaning for her than Mike, she couldn't be sure, but she suspected it was one of those annoying pesky female things that she often had no choice but get caught up in; she couldn't really deny she was a woman.

"That reception we got?" Mike asked, breaking the comfortable silence that had been between them since they'd stepped into the car. Alex glanced at him momentarily before returning her eyes to the road, "That could've been worse, right?"

Alex snorted, "Yeah, much worse. Trust me, I've had many. That one was quite subtle."

Mike sighed something she could only make out as relief. She hadn't thought about it but she guessed it would've been more embarrassing for him, she had to tried to warn him but she figured his emotional state was probably a wreck right now and that something like that just added to it a little.

"I'm sorry." She appologised, "I know my family can get very... excited without thinking."

"It's okay." He turned to her and smiled, he wasn't sure if she could see it because she was driving but she did some movement out of the corner of her eye; in her peripheral vision. "Katie?"

Alex knew exactly what he was referring to and she sighed, "I didn't speak to her but-" she looked at him, "She won't say anything though. That's not her style."

"No?" He asked, although he hadn't thought of Katie gossiping about it, he'd been more concerned that Alex's sister might've thought something was terribling wrong with her. "Not even if she thought it had something to do with you?"

"No."

Mike frowned, "How do you know?"

Images flashed before Alex's mind and she had to squash them. She shrugged, "I know my sister."

He accepted that answer. If anyone knew her it would have to be Alex, besides the impression he'd got off Katie was that she was respectful to others and definitely not someone who would go around parading other people's private life.

-------------------------------

People have different perceptions on what dreams can do for you and what they represent. But no matter the perspective, dreams always help you deal with the reality of life and your everyday living. As Alex slept she was finding that that blur between past, present and history was replaying in technicolour in her mind - images and random memories being pulled to the surface and giving her glimpses of her own past; specifically related to Mike.

_---Alex was briskly walking towards her car when she felt something brush her arm and she turned to see Mike looking out of breath from running. "Hey, you didn't hear me?" _

_Laughing, she replied, "Sorry, no, I was too busy thinking." _

_"You hang around your partner too much."----_

_---Mike stood with his mouth gaping open as Alex had answered her door with nothing but a towel wrapped around her wet body. Eyeing her up and down whilst she looked at him confused, ""I..." he started, breathlessly, "Uh..." a beat, "Uh... What?" He finally stopped looking at her body and looked at her face. _

_Looking down and mentally kicking herself when she realised what she was wearing. "Uh... I'll be back." -----_

_----"You're asking me out? On a date?" Alex asked Mike incredulously. _

_"Well, date, dinner, whatever word you want to use for it."----_

_-----"How was the train?" Alex asked as she and her partner walked into the Major Case Squadroom to see Mike sat at Bobby's desk. _

_Mike looked up at her, "I prefer the ferry." -----_

_------Laying down on the ground, in a tent, in two sleeping bags fastened together she and Mike were trying to sleep until Alex said, "Uh, Mike?" _

_"It's the bedding, I swear." He quickly replied and she laughed, "Are you giggling?" _

_She turned his arms and lowered her gaze to the 'bedding'. Grinning, she said, "It's not the bedding." _

_"No, it's not." A mischievous grin on his face and a playful twinkle in his eyes, laughing. ----_

_-----"Back at your house there was a picture of a man... with you." Mike spoke slowly, sitting opposite her as they sat having an intimate meal at his apartment. Candlelight, music and food. "Who is he?" _

_"He was my husband." She told him, truthfully but unable to hide the sorrow from her own voice. "He - uh, died in the line of duty almost 8 years ago." She felt a strong need to change the topic back to something positive, but she kept it on the same man, "He'd like you." _

_"Yeah?" Mike asked, doubtful. "He wouldn't mind me dating his wife?" He pointed towards her, himself and the table. "Because I'd still be doing this." He grinned, "I would." -----_

_-----Seeing Mike sitting at his newly appointed desk at Major Case, reading the playbook and having to face the lump of brick Alex decided to torment the guy, "Nice desk!" She then closed the door to Deakins' office, unaware of Mike's reaction.-----_

_-----She could feel his strong arms surround her, the heat from the July sun was really taking it's toll on her, the sweat covered her body like a sheet of ice. "Mike?" Her fingers desperate to feel his skin as she finally managed to be freed from the hell she'd been kept in by 'Sebastian - Jo Gage'. _

_She could hear him say two words - "You're okay." Those words melted away all of her determination, all of the fight she'd had left and she allowed him to pick her up and carrying her to the ambulance where she could be taken to hospital.-----_

_-----Mike's pained voice cut deep, she could hear how much it pained him to say it, how much he had to force the words out. His voice was shaking but deadly, the venom he was spitting out about his mother was understandable poisonous and the distaste would be on both of their tongues for days. "She was religious. She believed she was doing God's work. In other words she was a Nut Job." ----_

_----The sound of Mike's voice melted away to reveal one she hadn't heard for a long time; Joe. "You're my wife!" _

_"I know that!" She spat back, the argument they were having for the hundreth time was becoming stale. "This is my job. You of all people should-" _

_"Understand?" He asked, aggressively. "You wait on the corner of a steet for what? Some John to come up to you and accept a proposal for sex? I'm meant to understand that?"----_

_-----"Happy Anniversary!" His voice was almost cloyingly sweet, clinging to her ears as she looked at the anniversary gift. _

_"Um-" She smiled the best fake smile she could muster at such a late hour. Their anniversary was almost over and this had been the only chance for them to talk. _

_"It's a Taser Gun." Joe told her, happily, "For safety. You know how I don't like those Johns you meet?" Alex rolled her eyes, "Well, this is for protection." _

_She couldn't contain her anger despite the words of her mother in her head telling her it's the thought behind the gift that counts, "What does this have to with our wedding? Or our love?" _

_Joe spluttered, "Everything." _

_"How so?" She'd never been answered.----_

Alex felt something force her to wake up, grateful too because she was afraid of what other memories of Joe were gonna come dragging to the surface. She looked at Mike, hovering above her with a concerned expression. "Are you okay?" She asked, immediately concerned about him, knowing that what he'd told her earlier would've dragged up some of his own memories.

He nodded, "Actually, that was my question to you."

She sat up until she was level with him, which was easy consideirng the way he was half-sitting and half-laying, leaning on one elbow for support. "I was dreaming." She told him, "About you and then I -" she paused, "-wasn't dreaming about you."

Mike frowned, because he'd been unable to sleep he'd been watching her sleep. He'd seen the way she'd looked so peaceful, obviously thinking of something she liked because there was this soft, small smile on her face but then it had changed and her brow had burrowed and she'd began to breath at a faster pace.

"Did I wake you?" She asked.

"No." He replied, shaking his head. "I wasn't asleep."

"Are you alright?"

He nodded, "I'm fine. I just couldn't sleep." He looked at her, in the semi-dark he could see that whatever she was dreaming about was still in her head. He may not be Bobby Goren but he could still read people. "What were you dreaming about?"

She shrugged, "You."

"And?" He prompted, knowing full well that she'd also said something else.

"And-" a beat, "-Joe."

"Joe was your..." Alex nodded. "Why were you dreaming about him?" Mike couldn't completely mask the jealousy that was creeping it's way out of his mouth.

If she noticed it she didn't let on, she just shrugged, "I don't know."

-----------------------------

TBC _  
_


	4. Chapter 4

**Podie1 **- Thank you so much for reviewing!!!! YAY a review! See? someone _is_ reading:D Thank you.

**Confessions**

Alex laid back down and Mike followed suit, face-to-face and nose-to-nose whilst their heads rested on the pillows. "You don't know?" He asked, incredulously. She had to know as far as he was concerned, she was the one who was dreaming.

"Well-" She closed her eyes, "I _do _know but there is no point in talking about it." Mike could see the determination set in her jaw. A stubborn look in her eyes but that just intensified Mike's curiosity. "It's nothing."

Mike lifted his chin up slightly to get a better angle of sight into her eyes, "It doesn't look like nothing to me." He saw hesitation and worry in her eyes, her facial muscles working overtime as she processed the idea of telling him about her own past. He shot her a look, "I told you mine."

It might've been considered a low blow, bribery, if he'd told her something small but when she thought about what he'd told her, his mother, it seemed to make sense; trust. "I've never told anyone." She spoke softly, not weak but quiet. "The only person who ever found out about it was Katie."

Mike felt his stomach twist. He suddenly became aware of this feeling of anxiety as a million scenarios flew through his head. What was she about to tell him? He never said anything though, he kept his mouth shut because he didn't want her to not tell him. He heard her swallow something before she continued, "Joe didn't like my job. At all." She looked down, doubting herself to continue. "We'd argue about it alot." She suddenly sat up, not liking the way she felt weak as she laid down, revealing everything. Mike quickly sat back up too, keeping his eyes on her. She gave him a small smile, as if to reassure herself rather than him. "It got to the point where-" she swallowed again, fighting the nausea that this history of hers was bringing back, along with the words Mike had already said. "We didn't talk at all."

She stopped talking and she just looked at him, Mike shook his head, "I don't know if it's because I'm a cop or an exceptionally gifted guy but you're not telling me everything."

Alex felt herself nod before she actually decided to, "We didn't talk. We didn't see each other. We didn't spend time together. We didn't sleep in the same bed. We didn't touch. We didn't kiss... We didn't anything." She moved her head in a cirular motion as if she was reeling off a list; a list she'd not necessarily prepared but she had lived. She gave him a look of sorrow, regret. "One night I-" pause "-came home from work." She laughed a little, which Mike hadn't expected, "I was still wearing those _trashy _clothes that I had to wear for Vice." Mike smiled, "And he'd been drinking."

Mike leaned forward slightly, that knot in his stomach pulling tighter, "He did something to you?"

She lowered her gaze and was thankful that her hair created a curtain to hide the emotions that were playing on her face. Alex nodded, still looking down, "He took one look at my clothes and he blew!" She looked back up at him, unable to see the hurt on Mike's face because of her own anguish inside, "He - uh - said some pretty nasty things." Mike couldn't speak, he was just glued into place as Alex began to hyperfocus as she spoke, her minds eye looking into the past whilst remaining in the present; zoning. "I didn't expect him to hit me and when he did I couldn't move at first. It was like it wasn't really happening. It was when I hit back that it went a little out of control but I couldn't sit there.

"We'd never done that before. When he stopped he immediately starting appologising, almost begging." She looked at Mike and he tried to give her a comforting smile but his mind was running in circles at the thought. "It was like he wanted me to be okay but I didn't say anything." Her voice heavy with regret, "He just... grabbed me and started holding me... wanting me to be okay but he started kissing me and ..."

Mike spoke for the first time throughout her story, his mind about to explode, A hard look on his face as he fought to keep his food down, "He tried to rape you?"

"He tried." She replied, looking at him, "He didn't." Mike closed his eyes, allowing that piece of knowledge to sink in for a moment. "After that we went to marriage counselling." Mike re-opened his eyes, he couldn't help but wonder why she'd stayed with the guy. "And it took months but it seemed like everything was gonna be okay, we were talking alot more and we were happy." She closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them she was surprised to see a sheet of tears in his eyes, "Then he died."

And then they sat in silence. Both them mulling it over in their minds. Alex squeezed her eyes closed and willed the sick feeling to disappear. It did, the moment Mike's hand to touched her face and forced her eyes to re-open. "I guess we're both a little messed up."

She smiled, "I guess so."

He made a point of finding her eyes with his and looking into them with a determined look, "I don't quite know why you were dreaming about this - maybe it has something to do with me moving in-" Alex opened her mouth to speak but he used his thumb to cover her mouth. "But I swear to you that I will never _never _try to do that to you." He spoke with such conviction and certainty that it was almost a physical force.

In her mind she was thinking maybe he had a point about the connection about him moving in with her - but it had never crossed her mind that Mike would've done something like that. "I know." She smiled and he returned it.

With a small grin on his face he added, "Hey, if at anytime you don't wanna, there's always my hand." He was pleased when she laughed, wholeheartedly and surprised when she nodded in agreement before wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his shoulder. He was worried when she pulled away with a guilty look on her face, "What is it?"

"I'm sorry." She apologised with a look of regret and sorrow on her face.

Mike blinked, "What for?" As far as he was concerned she had nothing to apologise for.

Distressed, she replied, "I should've been thinking about-" she wasn't sure about the wording so her sentence trailed off.

Mike put his hand back up to face, "Don't think about her." He scolded, calmly and quietly, "She's not worth it."

"I was going to say you as well." She allowed herself a small smile, once again wondering if he could read her mind.

"Oh." Mike replied with a grin, "You can think about me to your hearts content." Alex laughed and watched him as he glanced around the room and turned to look at the clock. "What'd you say, we go to my apartment, chuck some of my gear into some boxes and get this ball rolling?" Mike had to admit to himself that he'd have been this excited to move in with someone before but he couldn't help but get carried away this time.

Alex smirked, "Well, yeah, we could go and pack boxes." A grin spread across her face as she looked down at the bedding and back up at him, "Or we could stay here and get a different ball rolling."

Taking note of the suggestive tone, Mike reached behind and used her backside to lift her up onto his knee. It was made easier by Alex's willingness to go along with it. "So, uh, I don't need my hand this morning then?" He asked, a mischievous grin on his face as he lifted both his hands up to gently stroke her neck and the side of her face.

"Not in that way..." He captured her lips before the sentence was finished and she quickly parted them to grant him access. Both of them fueled by the emotions they'd displayed to each other and the knowledge that they knew each others deepest and darkest moments.

---------------------------

Strange how some people never do quite follow something that you've tried to make so simple that a monkey could figure out. Mike sighed and looked at Alex, who pinched the bridge of her nose and looked towards the cash clerk with an irritated but friendly look on her face. "No, ma'am." Mike told the clerk, politely, "We don't want box loads of clothes." Mike looked around the store; the style of clothing that was sold was incredibly unfashionable as far as he thought. He couldn't imagine a woman being seen dead in half of the items on display. He could tell from the look of disgust on Alex's face that she had thought exactly the same thing when she'd seen them.

"We don't want the clothes." Alex reiterated, trying to bite her tongue and hold back the remark that was already bubbling to the surface. "We just want the boxes they came in."

"Why?" The clerk asked, curious. Nosily asking questions that Alex and Mike felt weren't necessary.

"To put things in them." Alex replied, calmly and cryptically.

"Yeah." Mike nodded, sarcastically, "We're having a yard sale." Alex couldn't help but glance at him but she kept a straight face. "We need the boxes so that we can sell as much stuff as possible." He leaned into the counter and gave the woman a nod, "You with me?"

She smiled politely and nodded, "Alright, I'll get Junior to get you some." She replied quietly before yelling in another direction - towards Junior, "Matt!!!" Mike had to resist sticking his finger in his own ear as the shrill of the woman's voice reached his ear drum. Alex closed one eye and winced. Mike shot Alex an amused look as the woman walked towards the door that led to the stock room.

Alex smiled at Mike, "Want a new dress?" He asked, gesturing towards the clothes on display. Alex didn't even glance at them; trying to avoid looking at the frills and over-the-top floral designs, rags and other pieces of cloth that she assumed was being sold as women's clothing - she couldn't be too sure.

She smirked, "I don't even want to be buried wearing these."

Mike grinned, "I thought you'd say something like that." The woman returned with the young man she'd referred to as Junior and they handed them both a pile of folded brown boxes.

"I'm sorry but we collapse all of our boxes-"

Mike held up his hand before taking the pile of Junior.

"It's okay, we can rebuild them." Alex told her. Mike shot her a look, recognising the phrase from somewhere else.

"Thanks." Mike nodded and as Alex took the pile off the clerk he started for the door.

When they reached the door and Mike had opened it they were stopped by the woman asking, "Where and when is your yard sale?" They turned to her, "Maybe I could find something to sell at my store."

Alex turned back to Mike before she smiled at the woman and replied, "I doubt we're selling anything that is as good as the stock you already have." Alex gave the woman her sweetest and sincerest smile and then they walked out of the store.

As soon as the door closed the laughter escaped Mike's throat like a volcanic erruption. Alex wouldn't have laughed if it hadn't been the way his was so infectious at that time. She looked at him and laughed with him as they walked down the street, hands holding tight onto the folded boxes. "I can't believe they actually sell anything." Alex commented, after the laughter had died a little, "I can't even imagine my Grandmother buying that stuff."

"Somebody must buy it." Mike told her, as they walked towards the car, "Because something's keeping her in business."

Alex snorted but she didn't say anything, not until they reached the car and had shoved the cardboard boxes into the trunk and were sat in the front and they safety belts were fastened. She turned to him and frowned, "Why didn't you tell them you were moving out?"

Mike shrugged, "That had nothing to do with her."

"But a yard sale?"

He nodded, "Yeah, that was fun." He had an amused smile on his face but Alex just stared at him. "Look, it's no-ones business where I'm living or what I need boxes for." She turned towards the windshield. "Seriously, she was too snoopy for her own good. It's between you and me."

Alex turned back to him and smiled, "Okay." Understanding that he considered this to be a private matter and she could even appreciate his need to keep it between themselves. "But next time we need boxes I'm going to give the reason why." She started the engine and shot him a small grin before pulling out of the parking spot.

Two seconds later, Mike asked, "What's wrong with a yard sale?" Alex rolled her eyes.

----------------------

Alex was stood in Mike's kitchen wrapping fragile pots and cooking equipment in newspaper and tissue before carefully placing them in one of the boxes she'd rebuilt with masking tape. A part of her couldn't quite believe they were really doing this whilst another part of her knew they really were; confusing. She'd never lived with anyone since Joe and she'd always doubted she ever would. Her job always took up a huge percentage of her time, not that she didn't want it to, and every guy she dated always grew frustrated with her about it, not understanding her or the word 'partner', and eventually she'd become so annoyed with it that she'd almost given up dating altogether.

Until Mike; another cop, like Joe but different. Troubled man, true, but he was generally a fun guy and he made her laugh, which she always considered to be important. If a man made her feel bored and miserable then she'd lose interest. Mike understood her job, understood the hours, because he worked them, and he had no problem with her partner and how much time she had to spend with him. In return, she understood as well.

Something she'd never really had, not even with Joe and he was a cop himself. Despite all of the problems she and Joe had had together she had still loved him. She could remember all the times she'd cursed herself for doing so as well, wondering when she'd turned into one of those women who stuck to the same man no matter what they did to them. But she could understand those women because of it; they weren't stupid and they weren't pathetic - they were just in love.

As she placed another wrapped pot in the box she heard a pained groan come from the living room. Frowning, she walked out of the kitchen to see Mike lounging on the sofa, sleeping, and from what she could tell he was dreaming about something unpleasant.

If she had to guess it would be his mother.

Carefully she walked over to the sofa and sat down next to his sleeping form and gently placed a hand on his chest, shaking him softly to wake him up. It didn't take much, less than she thought it would. His eyes snapped open and he immediately sat up, rubbing them with the palm of his hands. "You okay?" Alex asked, concerned.

"Yeah." Mike mumbled, "I guess I fell to sleep." Alex had expected him to be tired from not sleeping last night.

"Your mom?"

Mike continued to rub his face with both hands whilst he answered, "Yeah, it's probably cause I was talking about her yesterday. Bitch!" He pulled his hands away from his face in anger. Mike looked at her and his face softened slightly. "I'm okay."

"Yeah?"

Mike nodded. "How long was I asleep?"

Alex could see and hear how much he wanted to change the subject so she let him, "About an hour."

"You've been packing the whole time?" He asked, Alex nodded, "Sorry."

Shaking her head, "No, it's okay. I don't mind." Not exactly the best way to spend the Sunday off but Alex really didn't mind if it got him to move in with her faster. "You tired?" Mike nodded and Alex stood up, holding out her hand and with a small smile on her face she said, "Then let's go home."

A smile broke out onto his face and he took her hand, standing up he wrapped his arm around her waist and they walked out of the apartment together and headed home.

------------------------

TBC

Please leave a review and let me know what you think. Anything you like? Don't like? Got any suggestions? I'm all ears... eyes. ;)


	5. Chapter 5

**Confessions**

_One week later..._

Bobby Goren placed his leather portfolio on the passenger seat of his car as he sat behind the wheel. He'd been reviewing some notes and was now absolutely sure of what he needed to do; he needed to get to his partner so that he could bounce some ideas off her. Hence the reason he was already in his car and turning the key in the ignition. Bobby had already made the decision once but the moment he stepped into his car he'd changed his mind for a moment. Well aware that it was a Saturday and that she'd probably be with Mike Logan but he felt this was pertinent to their case, and important considering two brothers were dead and so far it was looking like the crazy wife of the favourite brother had done the job.

His mind was always thinking, always moving, like he had a seperate world inside his own head. One where ideas were always being thought of and theories were also being tested. It never stopped, it never took a break or a breather; sometimes is slowed down but it never stopped. Not even whilst he was driving, which is the reason Alex drives. She'd told him so on their very first day as partners - _"I can drive whilst you zone out that way we'll arrive at our interview, slash, crime scene, slash, office ontime and in one piece, okay?" _Now he wished she was here because his mind wanted to think whilst his body knew he needed to drive.

When he reached her house and he'd stopped the car he stayed very still and watched for a moment; bemused. The scene in front of him was strange and unexpected yet amusing. Taking note of everything in that cogged filled mind of his, he watched as Mike and Alex kept walking out of her house and carrying boxes into it. Had she been shopping? Retail therapy? He shook his head at his own thoughts; that wasn't Alex's way, she didn't seem to be the kind of women who bought a trunk full of shopping just for therapy. He looked carefully at the boxes and noticed that some of the items sticking out the tops were _masculine? _They lacked the softness of a woman and when Bobby noticed a box that seemed to have the word DVD's written on them it suddenly clicked just exactly what was going on.

And he couldn't stop the smile that tugged at his mouth at the thought. Were things _that _serious between them? Had there been signs that he'd missed? Probably. She was good at keeping things from him. Suddenly the case was forgotten for a moment and he gleefully stepped out of the car and rushed over towards them at the same time that Alex had picked up a heavy box. "Eames, I'll take that."

She turned, surprised by his voice and his silent arrival but having no choice but to give him the box because his hands had already took it off her, she said, "Gee, Bobby, I didn't even know you were there!"

Sheepishly, he mumbled, "Sorry." Mike walked down the steps and walked over to them, grabbing another box out of the trunk before nodding at Bobby.

"Goren, when did you turn up?" Mike asked, casually.

"Uh, just now." Bobby replied, "I, uh, I didn't realise the two of you were moving in together."

Alex smiled as Mike grinned and Bobby knew his theory was dead-on.

"Now you realise." Mike commented before turning and walking into the house. Alex turned around and picked up a box and they followed him in.

"We were gonna tell you." Alex said, as they walked up the steps.

"Yeah?" Bobby asked.

Alex shook her head, smirking. "No."

Bobby followed her in the house with a frown on his face. "You-you weren't?" He put the box down on the floor and looked around at all the boxes in her living room. Spotting Mike walking back towards the door, Bobby asked, "Logan, how much stuff do you have?"

Mike looked around the room, as if he was counting all the boxes, he looked back at Bobby and shrugged, "Not alot."

Bobby forgot that for a moment and looked back at Alex, "You weren't going to tell me?"

"Oh relax Bobby, of course we were going to tell you." He'd have believed her too if she wasn't still wearing that classic Eames smirk on her face.

Mike chuckled, "I think this way is much more fun."

Mike turned to Alex and grinned, she nodded and they looked at Bobby with widespread grins on their faces. Bobby shuffled his feet and rubbed the back of his neck, unsure of what they were doing.

Alex began laughing, bowing her head and hiding her face behind her hair as she tried to stifle her laughs unsuccessfully. Bobby frowned. "Goren, we arepulling your leg." Mike told Bobby. Bobby seemed to visibly relax slightly, "We were gonna tell you Monday."

But Alex continued to laugh. "Eames?" Bobby frowned, "It's not _that _funny."

Bobby looked at Mike to see that he was watching Alex laugh with a grin on his own face. Eventually Alex's laughter subsided and she looked up at both men with a smile on her face, her cheeks slightly red and her eyes shining. Looking at Bobby she could see the confusion on his face and perhaps a slight amount of stress, "Bobby, the last thing you want is an ulcer. Relax."

---------------------------

"Logan, I didn't realise you were a movie buff."

Bobby was stood in the middle of Mike's, now barren, apartment, with another box full of DVD's in his hands. Bobby had decided to help them do the move so it would take them less than the weekend, plus he could work on the case with Alex around to help him with his thoughts, help keep them logical.

"He is." Alex answered for Mike, walking into the room holding a bag of clothes. "He's got more than enough to open a store."

"I'm not selling them." Mike quickly said, hoping to squash any ideas she may have been having.

Alex smirked, "I wasn't going to say that."

Mike looked at Bobby and then he quickly grabbed the box off him, "I'll take that." Bobby shared a look with Alex, "What?"

She laughed, "You're just like a kid." Mike stared at her, "It's cute." Bobby sniggered and Mike shot him a look.

"Oh." Mike looked at them both, "Ah, you're now pulling my leg, aren't you?"

"If I'm not careful you two are gonna end up legless." Alex commented in her usual charming way and then she walked out the door to take the bags to the car.

Mike looked at Bobby and Bobby looked at Mike. "You realise with you being the boyfriend you'll be, uh, the one without legs first."

Mike chuckled, "I don't know, partners tend to get quite a run for their money."

---------------------------

An urgent knocking sound caused Katie Eames to stir from her sleep abruptly. She quickly realised she was sat on her sofa, conked out. Getting up when she heard the knocking continue more desperately she sighed, rushing to the door to peep through the hole to see her sister standing at her door. Confused but happy to see her, Katie opened the door and smiled, "Alex? How are you?"

"Hey, can I come in?" Alex asked, not sounding anywhere near as desperate as her knocking alluded her to be.

Katie stepped aside and her allowed her youngest sister to come into her home. When they reached her living room Alex turned back around to face her. "So, you okay?" Katie asked, hesitantly, unsure of why she was getting a spontaneous visit, although she had a vague idea but she didn't want to stick her foot in it before she knew for sure.

Alex nodded, "I just wanted to explain to you what you saw last weekend."

"Oh." Katie nodded, realising her vague idea had actually been spot on. "I haven't mentioned it to anyone, if that's what you're worried about."

"I didn't think you would." Alex smiled, "Besides someone would have said something by now."

"True." Katie agreed, knowing just how much gossip could spread like wild fire in the Eames family. Katie looked at Alex and then finally dared to ask the question that had been burning on her mind ever since she had accidentally walked into that private moment, "What was going on? Or, what _is_ going on?"

"It's nothing." Alex sighed, "We were talking about something that was... hard to say."

Katie held up her hands, "Don't. Say no more, I totally understand. Far be it for me to begin prying in your life now."

"Now?" Alex asked, incredulously, "Now? What about all those other times?"

Katie grinned, "They've been erased."

---------------------------

Alex was pulling clothes after clothes after clothes out of drawers and trying to find some space for Mike's belongings in her bedroom so that his clothes wouldn't have to live in boxes. She had never realised just how much clothing she actually had and now she was quickly coming to the decision that they'd need a new, bigger chest of drawers. "You can stop that." Mike's soft, deep voice spoke into her ear, surprising her because she hadn't seen him come into the room.

Still kneeling on the floor she twisted her neck to look at Mike who was bent down behind her with his head next to her ear. She took one look at the champagne in his hand and she felt her surprise go up a notch. "Are we making an occasion out of this?" She asked, turning herself around slightly so that she didn't hurt her neck.

Mike grinned, "I wouldn't normally but hey, this seems like one to me." She nodded as Mike's gaze fell to all the clothes on the floor and he looked up at the open wardrobe before looking back at her with a smirk on his face. "Y'know you've got too many clothes."

Alex snorted, "Yes, well, like the DVD's, they stay."

He chuckled and nodded, "Deal." He looked back up at the clothes, "Besides you look good in all of them so..." She smirked at him, shooting a disblieving look in his direction before laughing at the almost too sweet to be true comment. "Of course, I think you look good wearing anything... wearing nothing." Alex just shook her head, amused, before snatching the bottle of champagne out of his hands.

"I'll take that before you explode from all the sugar you're dishing out."

Mike smirked, "Just being honest." Alex leaned into him and gave him a sweet, chaste kiss.

She then waved the bottle in front of his face, "We need two glasses for this, Mr Honesty."

He stood up smiling, saying, "I can see you're in one of your cheeky moods."

Alex resisted the urge to blob her tongue out at him, not wanting to add childish to cheeky anytime soon. She just gave him an amused look and he quickly darted out of the room before another comment was thrown towards him.

When he returned Alex was sitting on the foot of the bed, patiently. Almost too patiently. Mike sat beside her and passed her a glass. She faced him with a smile on her face. "You're glad you moved, aren't you?"

Mike looked at her, surprised by her question but he nodded, "Yes. I am."

She smiled, "Good. Me too."

He leaned into her, unsettled by the somber tone of voice she was using, "Then why'd you ask?"

Alex shrugged, "I just wanted to make sure because I asked you just after-" she paused, "-after you'd told me about your mother and-"

Mike kissed her lips to get her to stop talking, when he pulled back she had a less somber look on her face and now she seemed confused, "I do want to be here, don't think that I don't." He watched her for a moment before adding, "And _don't _waste your time thinking about my mother. She was evil as far as I'm concerned."

She shook her head, "I'm not thinking about your mother, I'm thinking about you." She gave him the kind of look that would cause anyone to stop dead in their tracks and he felt like he was in a trance. He became seriously aware of the fact that some people underestimated her ability to do that on account of her partner usually being the one to do so.

Sighing, he looked up for a moment before speaking quietly and slowly, "You'd think that, uh, talking about it would..." He didn't finish that sentence, she tried to give him an encouraging look. "My father once told me that confession is good for your soul. It's a crock."

"How so?" Alex asked, quietly.

"Because I confessed and I don't feel better." He finally looked her directly in the eye after spending the last moment keeping his eyesight around the room. "Why is that?"

Alex wasn't really sure of the answer, she had a feeling that his question was so important that if she got it wrong it could seriously unravel him. He seemed to be baring all to her, his soul almost naked in front of her and she needed to find the right clothes for him. "Because you can't change what happened." She looked at him sincerely, "I wish we could but then if it were possible don't you think you would have done it already?"

He looked away from her, muttering, "Maybe."

"Talking about does help." She nodded, "But it doesn't make it better."

Mike looked back at her with a small smirk on his face. She gave him a quizzical look, "One month of counselling with Olivet and you're a professional." He referred to the time she'd been kidnapped and had subsequentally ended up in counselling sessions with Dr. Elizabeth Olivet.

She smiled, standing up with the bottle still in one hand and a glass in the other. "C'mon, let's go drink this."

He just sat there and looked at her, "Why?" He asked, not sure he wanted to now.

Alex grinned, "Where talking ends-" she held up the champagne bottle, "-this begins." Mike grinned and immediately followed her out the door as she led him to the living room so that they could watch one of his DVD's together.

Eventually falling to sleep on the sofa, again, using each other's bodies for heat whilst the film finished on the screen, oblivious to the fact that the audience was no longer watching.

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_finished._

_So, what'd you think? Anybody still reading:D _


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